The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:

Zoltan Hargitay
August 1, 1960
1:01 AM
Santa Monica, California

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                 This astrological analysis is based
                 on the following astrological data:

                 Sun      9 Leo 03
                 Moon    19 Sco 24
                 Mercury 21 Can 02
                 Venus   20 Leo 00
                 Mars    29 Tau 26

                 Daylight Savings Time observed
                 GMT: 08:01:00   Time Zone: 8 hours West

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Sun in Leo:

Leo: Key Words: How great thou Art! What more needs to be said?

  "I did it for you, what do you mean you won't do it for me?", says the unappreciated Leo. That sums up the main characteristics of the Leo native, except they need to communicate without the use of a sledge hammer to bring their point across.

   Positive attributes for Leo natives is that they don't carry grudges in any situation, it is too much of an effort, instead Leo's carry coolers full of party favors around with them at all times, just in case an opportunity for fun and amusement comes up, and oh yes, Leo's talk very loud. Leos hate to compete, mainly because they are having too good a time and prefer doing nothing. It's an automatic "You win, let's party" situation.

   Leo's will spend every dime they have and some they don't have (on the old credit cards) to make an impression on this weeks love God or Goddess. In some instances (more than not) the Leo's search for romance and conquering proves very expensive, and very unsatisfying, if at takes place at all! The Leo male will find it amazing that they bring candy, flowers and all the niceties on a date or other informal setting and don't score, or their expectations are shot down, and then the same object of this Leo's affections will go out with the first person who mistreats them (figuratively) and maul them like a tigress making love for the very first time. It just baffles the Leo mind, but still he/she never gives up the pursuit of whatever they are pursuing?

   Typical male or female Leo careers can be found in Publishing or TV productions (you know the one, come on up to my office and read a script for me) and writing plays or movies.

   Marriage for the Leo male or female is like playing Russian Roulette with a slight twist. In this case, all the chambers have a bullet.

Moon in Scorpio:

The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.

   If you are not going to kill a bull at the bull fight, don't just wound it and let it go, because you are only gonna get it mad. This is the emotional capacity for Moon in Scorpio natives.

   Here is judgment waiting for the axe to fall, whether right, wrong or indifferent. Moon in Scorpio people are prone to very deep feelings, but for what is anybody's guess.

   The epitome of fighting to the death for what they want belongs to the Moon in Scorpio native, only to find out they really didn't want it in the first place, only now it may be too late to change it, or do anything about it.

   Moon in Scorpio people have an uncanny knack for knowing when someone is cheating on them, and will show up at the motel etc., to find you, tell you, or castrate you. All of the above may apply, and I might add, at the same time.

   Moon in Scorpio people need to find someone who is less paranoid than themselves to take care of, so they can bounce around from place to place without somewhere to land.

   Love making for Moon in Scorpio people is a religious experience, and if it doesn't work out, then revenge for them is the only alternative that seems to be fair! Moon in Scorpio people would never hold a grudge though, a gun, knife, baseball bat, sharp object, or blunt instrument yes, but never a grudge!

   Health matters for the Moon in Scorpio especially when unhappy is problems with the sexual organs, accident prone behavior, headaches to themselves, and causing headaches to others, especially causing headaches to others.

Mercury in Cancer:

  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.

   Give this person a life jacket, as their mind is constantly under water. In other words, the mind is bogged down in the glop of emotions, and they cannot separate them. On a positive note this position gives them the capacity for being extremely psychic, but they must develop it.

   Making love to them is so private they will be lucky if their lover can find them, much less do anything else! Yes, she was one of those quiet ones! The perfect fantasy for them is taking a casual boat trip to a remote island, sinking the boat saying "Oops, oh dopey me!, Looks like we will be here for awhile". "Now what can we do to pass the time until the rescue boat comes?"

   There should be signs in Libraries that say " No Cancerians allowed". They talk much too loud!

Venus in Leo:

  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:

   This sign has the emotional response of a wall switch and just as exciting. They can be compassionate and demonstrative when they want to be, and calculating sometimes in what they wish to acquire.

   The woman of the species must be admired, cherished, and complimented on every aspect of her being, and then some.

   Men of the species usually lay enough compliments on you to make you barf and feel good about it afterwards. Love that satisfies the ego side of the self belongs to Venus in Leo.

   People with this placement are demonstrative and will probably try to seduce you while acting out Romeo & Juliet, or some other kinky invention or intention.

   Excitement is the key for these people. Have you ever tried making love while hand gliding or swinging from a chandelier. The more expensive display these people can put on to get you in the mood, the better and it seems the head waiter always knows these people, whether they have been in the restaurant before or not.

Mars in Taurus:

  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.

  This is the placement of the person who will do anything for money. I would never suggest that this person would prostitute themselves for money! Well, alright I would! A word of advice, a person with this placement is as possessive as a gorilla with a banana and just as resentful and jealous if you get it away from them.

  A Taurus in heat has all the grace of a Brahma bull trying to freight train a Rodeo Clown, and with just about the same results. There they are, lying flat and looking straight up with no idea who, or what you are, much less where!

  You can tell a sexually frustrated Taurus very easily. You will find them in the kitchen cooking, . . . . EVERYTHING! When this sign releases their love making passion, the results are similar to having a building drop on you, a very large building. This is to say that when they give themselves, they give themselves completely. Who wants complete, instead save some for a rainy day!

  If this native knows they can get a great deal by doing a slightly naughty favor, expect a fantastic reaction to your proposition. Just make sure that you understand who owns what in the long run.