The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:

Malcolm Irving Glazer
August 5, 1928
12:00 PM
Rochester, New York

 

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                 This astrological analysis is based
                 on the following astrological data:

                 Sun     12 Leo 59
                 Moon     3 Ari 42
                 Mercury  1 Leo 43
                 Venus   22 Leo 41
                 Mars    27 Tau 46

                 Standard time observed
                 GMT: 17:00:00   Time Zone: 5 hours West
 

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Sun in Leo:

Leo: Key Words: How great thou Art! What more needs to be said?

  "I did it for you, what do you mean you won't do it for me?", says the unappreciated Leo. That sums up the main characteristics of the Leo native, except they need to communicate without the use of a sledge hammer to bring their point across.

   Positive attributes for Leo natives is that they don't carry grudges in any situation, it is too much of an effort, instead Leo's carry coolers full of party favors around with them at all times, just in case an opportunity for fun and amusement comes up, and oh yes, Leo's talk very loud. Leos hate to compete, mainly because they are having too good a time and prefer doing nothing. It's an automatic "You win, let's party" situation.

   Leo's will spend every dime they have and some they don't have (on the old credit cards) to make an impression on this weeks love God or Goddess. In some instances (more than not) the Leo's search for romance and conquering proves very expensive, and very unsatisfying, if at takes place at all! The Leo male will find it amazing that they bring candy, flowers and all the niceties on a date or other informal setting and don't score, or their expectations are shot down, and then the same object of this Leo's affections will go out with the first person who mistreats them (figuratively) and maul them like a tigress making love for the very first time. It just baffles the Leo mind, but still he/she never gives up the pursuit of whatever they are pursuing?

   Typical male or female Leo careers can be found in Publishing or TV productions (you know the one, come on up to my office and read a script for me) and writing plays or movies.

   Marriage for the Leo male or female is like playing Russian Roulette with a slight twist. In this case, all the chambers have a bullet.

Moon in Aries:

The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.

   How can people say people with Moon in Aries have a bad temper? Because they have the compassion of Godzilla tromping through Tokyo while having a Big Mac attack. Those menacing munchkins!

   Everything is personal with Moon in Aries. No matter how impersonal a statement is made, in their infinite "state" they can make an issue of it. For example: A simple "Good Morning & how are you" can be turned into "fine thanks, but what have you heard, and why are you asking?"

   You can always tell an emotionally unhappy Moon in Aries native, either they have a grand old headache, or they become VERY accident prone. Odd illnesses of the head are an added attraction for these hot blooded beings.

   The Moon in Aries's judgment may as well be non existent, because they don't deal well with matters of the earth. They would have made a great attack dog to someone. "Sic 'em boy, Sic 'em". And there they would be, with drool running out of their mouths waiting for a biscuit for doing yet another good job for their master.

   Reactions to emotions are often associated with the logic "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time?". Sure, so is lancing a boil, but I wouldn't want to make a career of it!

   Moon in Aries natives make friends easily, but lose them just as quickly, as they are just a wee bit unstable and intense for the rest of humanity. Hocus Pocus.

   Relationships for the natives with Moon in Aries begin with the subtlety of being struck by lightning, then die just as suddenly. It can be equated with being swept off your feet, then falling headfirst from a plane without a parachute.

   Moon in Aries natives should find a lover who has a built in plug for recharging if they want love to make it the long haul. Picture being the orchestra leader standing before a group of musicians, finishing a brilliant piece to a wonderful climax, sleeping with them all, and then leaving. This for people with Moon in Aries is a night out on the town.

Mercury in Leo:

  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.

  These people have the ability to write and talk to other people who aren't there, and this is the person who can play act a part with or without a partner. "Oh to be me, for all the world to see!"

  Remember in the Wizard of Oz and the Tin Man who wanted a brain? Enough said! They must learn to exercise their mind some, in other words start using it.

  These natives are the authors of the unabridged version of:" My mouth is open. I will utter something, and you will admire and adore me". Mercury in Leo people can be best described as "The Phony, trying to push Bologna!"

  For Mercury in Leo people, love takes place in the mind, but falls short in the physical, leaving you exhausted and frustrated. In their mind however, they  had a great time and feel that their partner should say it was great as well. After all, she/he was there too! Or were they?

  A story is just a story, but with a little exaggeration mixed with a little accentuation and a whole lot of imagination, and it is not a story anymore. It becomes an event, an adventure, a metaphor of meadow muffins, and a downright hilarious one at that!  I should know for it is I, the author of this satirical interpretation who has spent long hours putting together this mindless piece of artwork. I am a gosh darned one man show, with the applauds, the thank you's, and the endless speeches with no one else around. I think it makes for fun reading though, don't you? Well, what do you know anyway? On with the show!

Venus in Leo:

  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:

   This sign has the emotional response of a wall switch and just as exciting. They can be compassionate and demonstrative when they want to be, and calculating sometimes in what they wish to acquire.

   The woman of the species must be admired, cherished, and complimented on every aspect of her being, and then some.

   Men of the species usually lay enough compliments on you to make you barf and feel good about it afterwards. Love that satisfies the ego side of the self belongs to Venus in Leo.

   People with this placement are demonstrative and will probably try to seduce you while acting out Romeo & Juliet, or some other kinky invention or intention.

   Excitement is the key for these people. Have you ever tried making love while hand gliding or swinging from a chandelier. The more expensive display these people can put on to get you in the mood, the better and it seems the head waiter always knows these people, whether they have been in the restaurant before or not.

Mars in Taurus:

  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.

  This is the placement of the person who will do anything for money. I would never suggest that this person would prostitute themselves for money! Well, alright I would! A word of advice, a person with this placement is as possessive as a gorilla with a banana and just as resentful and jealous if you get it away from them.

  A Taurus in heat has all the grace of a Brahma bull trying to freight train a Rodeo Clown, and with just about the same results. There they are, lying flat and looking straight up with no idea who, or what you are, much less where!

  You can tell a sexually frustrated Taurus very easily. You will find them in the kitchen cooking, . . . . EVERYTHING! When this sign releases their love making passion, the results are similar to having a building drop on you, a very large building. This is to say that when they give themselves, they give themselves completely. Who wants complete, instead save some for a rainy day!

  If this native knows they can get a great deal by doing a slightly naughty favor, expect a fantastic reaction to your proposition. Just make sure that you understand who owns what in the long run.