The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:

Fidel Castro
August 13, 1926
2:00 AM
Mayari, Cuba

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                 This astrological analysis is based
                 on the following astrological data:

                 Sun     19 Leo 46
                 Moon    11 Lib 13
                 Mercury 10 Leo 29
                 Venus   24 Can 04
                 Mars     6 Tau 14

                 Standard time observed
                 GMT: 07:00:00   Time Zone: 5 hours West

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Sun in Leo:

Leo: Key Words: How great thou Art! What more needs to be said?

  "I did it for you, what do you mean you won't do it for me?", says the unappreciated Leo. That sums up the main characteristics of the Leo native, except they need to communicate without the use of a sledge hammer to bring their point across.

   Positive attributes for Leo natives is that they don't carry grudges in any situation, it is too much of an effort, instead Leo's carry coolers full of party favors around with them at all times, just in case an opportunity for fun and amusement comes up, and oh yes, Leo's talk very loud. Leos hate to compete, mainly because they are having too good a time and prefer doing nothing. It's an automatic "You win, let's party" situation.

   Leo's will spend every dime they have and some they don't have (on the old credit cards) to make an impression on this weeks love God or Goddess. In some instances (more than not) the Leo's search for romance and conquering proves very expensive, and very unsatisfying, if at takes place at all! The Leo male will find it amazing that they bring candy, flowers and all the niceties on a date or other informal setting and don't score, or their expectations are shot down, and then the same object of this Leo's affections will go out with the first person who mistreats them (figuratively) and maul them like a tigress making love for the very first time. It just baffles the Leo mind, but still he/she never gives up the pursuit of whatever they are pursuing?

   Typical male or female Leo careers can be found in Publishing or TV productions (you know the one, come on up to my office and read a script for me) and writing plays or movies.

   Marriage for the Leo male or female is like playing Russian Roulette with a slight twist. In this case, all the chambers have a bullet.

Moon in Libra:

The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.

  Home ties can be very important to the Moon in Libra native. Just because they don't live with their parents, doesn't mean they don't have a 200 mile phone line attached to their umbilical cord, with an automatic dialer for times of real emotional crisis.

  "I would kill for peace and quiet!", says the Moon in Libra native to their family as they assure you how non-violent they are.

  The Emotional neutral Zone belongs to the Moon in Libra native, and you will find they especially love to rearrange and beautify things. Moon in Libra natives are those types of people who, when their spouse or partner goes to work, rearrange the furniture, and when their loved ones get home, they damn near kill themselves falling over the couch that used to be the bed.

  Moon in Libra people are so sensitive to their surroundings and need for harmony, that a good fight can keep them hovering around the toilet bowl and throwing up, for hours.

  You might be able to tell a Moon in Libra person who is emotionally unhappy by the gallons of water they drink to keep their kidneys in good working order, as that is their weak point.

  Moon in Libra natives are so emotionally insecure, that if by the second date you are not discussing marriage, you will be replaced by someone who is. As they get older, they usually get a grip on this tendency, by about the 5th or 6th marriage.

Mercury in Leo:

  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.

  These people have the ability to write and talk to other people who aren't there, and this is the person who can play act a part with or without a partner. "Oh to be me, for all the world to see!"

  Remember in the Wizard of Oz and the Tin Man who wanted a brain? Enough said! They must learn to exercise their mind some, in other words start using it.

  These natives are the authors of the unabridged version of:" My mouth is open. I will utter something, and you will admire and adore me". Mercury in Leo people can be best described as "The Phony, trying to push Bologna!"

  For Mercury in Leo people, love takes place in the mind, but falls short in the physical, leaving you exhausted and frustrated. In their mind however, they  had a great time and feel that their partner should say it was great as well. After all, she/he was there too! Or were they?

  A story is just a story, but with a little exaggeration mixed with a little accentuation and a whole lot of imagination, and it is not a story anymore. It becomes an event, an adventure, a metaphor of meadow muffins, and a downright hilarious one at that!  I should know for it is I, the author of this satirical interpretation who has spent long hours putting together this mindless piece of artwork. I am a gosh darned one man show, with the applauds, the thank you's, and the endless speeches with no one else around. I think it makes for fun reading though, don't you? Well, what do you know anyway? On with the show!

Venus in Cancer:

  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:

   This sign in the affection department is as changeable as diapers on a baby. They would make a better mother than a mate, so they should try adopting the world. This would be more satisfying for them, and less frustrating for suitors.

   Romancing this person can be quite expensive in the dry cleaning department. You never know when this person is going to cry, or, why?

   To really bring alive romance in this person, forget about going out. Stay home and have an intimate dinner for two. Remember to lock up the dogs, cats etc. and send the children out of town for a week.

   Don't forget candy and flowers when you visit these natives and don't hurt their feelings intentionally or unintentionally or you will wind up with someone with the personality of a wet dishtowel, tears and all and then your life is truly worth nothing.

Mars in Taurus:

  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.

  This is the placement of the person who will do anything for money. I would never suggest that this person would prostitute themselves for money! Well, alright I would! A word of advice, a person with this placement is as possessive as a gorilla with a banana and just as resentful and jealous if you get it away from them.

  A Taurus in heat has all the grace of a Brahma bull trying to freight train a Rodeo Clown, and with just about the same results. There they are, lying flat and looking straight up with no idea who, or what you are, much less where!

  You can tell a sexually frustrated Taurus very easily. You will find them in the kitchen cooking, . . . . EVERYTHING! When this sign releases their love making passion, the results are similar to having a building drop on you, a very large building. This is to say that when they give themselves, they give themselves completely. Who wants complete, instead save some for a rainy day!

  If this native knows they can get a great deal by doing a slightly naughty favor, expect a fantastic reaction to your proposition. Just make sure that you understand who owns what in the long run.