The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:

Richard Cheney
January 30, 1941
7:30 PM
Lincoln, Nebraska
 
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                 This astrological analysis is based
                 on the following astrological data:

                 Sun     10 Aqu 48
                 Moon    22 Pis 41
                 Mercury 24 Aqu 15
                 Venus   21 Cap 27
                 Mars    17 Sag 46

                 Standard time observed
                 GMT: 01:30:00   Time Zone: 6 hours West
 
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Sun in Aquarius:

Aquarius - Key Words: "I Love You All. . . kind of!"

  "I love everybody, just don't bug me! I am loyal to everyone I make love with, and treat them all the same way", says the true Aquarian soul. Aquarians are such understanding lovers, that if their partner comes home and tells them that they are having an affair, the typical Aquarian would say "That's okay, I've been having one for years!". The Aquarian personality and makeup is so unique that they can have an affair with someone whether they are actually present or not.

  Whenever an Aquarian native has a penchant for meeting someone, they will use the art of communication like a day at a pig pen. Anything, I say anything is liable to roll off the Aquarian tongue. The wilder the better, as they love the shock of seeing the expressions on other peoples faces, and herein lies the inner person.

  Aquarians have the ideals of a child who is squirting their mother with a baby bottle. Just gotta be me! Some bad news -emotionally Aquarians are cold as a fly caught in a tray of ice cubes.

  People have a difficult time playing jokes on Aquarians, for instance stealing their address book wouldn't even phase them. They would never replace the names or the book, they would simply get new friends.

  An interesting facet of the Aquarian personality is that they have a unique talent for coming up with weird ideas for useless products. It's that progressive nature that needs a new look for Santa Claus and that streak of blue in his hair, or that traffic signal that can use an extra colored light that means indecision. Aquarians are also prolific in the art of disoriented speech and thoughts that have no relevant meaning, they simply exist as if on helium. Aquarians have also been accused of drinking like a fish.

  Although Aquarians have no concrete beliefs, they have an opinion on everything, and will offer it at any time, any place.

  For the Aquarian man, romance comes under the heading of recreational activities. Lovemaking is simply another way of making new acquaintances, and pornography may be Aquarius's line of work, or sideline. Marriage for Aquarians are ships that pass in the night, and here comes another one now. Marriage can be compared to summertime at the beach. What variety? How can they choose one, when they love so many.

  Positive traits of the Aquarians include: Absent minded behavior, interests only in ones self, a lack of confidence, and lack of insight.

Moon in Pisces:

The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.

   The native with the Moon in Pisces has a lot of facets to their personality. They can be a musician and artist or total drug puppy and alcoholic who, in their own delusion is making things right in their little sector of the world, and who is to say that they aren't?

   The Moon in Pisces emotions bring them great suffering, but hey, what else is life for. The Felix Unger (Of The Odd Couple Series) of the Zodiac has to have Moon in Pisces or other strong traits of Pisces.

   Moon in Pisces people are the reason the term "Mood swings" was invented. The term stable for them should be applied to a ship that is leaning to an angle greater than 45 degrees. Chances are that it "IS" going to sink. This can easily happen, if they don't lighten up.

   It is very easy to spot people with Moon in Pisces, just look around, if they are no where to be found, then it is Moon in Pisces, or a sign similar to water, like Scorpio or Cancer.

Mercury in Aquarius:

  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.

   These people are very good judges of character, but can act like a bull in a china shop," Too Stubborn!"

   They would make good writers or excellent speakers with the possibility of some original thoughts and perceptions, but they must work at it and develop it.

   The idea of lovemaking turns them into jelly, as they coagulate at the actual act, so they keep it in the hemisphere, where they can watch their own movie, while the real thing is happening somewhere else.

   You cannot surprise these natives, there must be some kind of emotions to be surprised. If you try, the reaction would probably be passing wind, a smile, and a "that was interesting, . . so what's next?"

   Be extra careful what you think about when you are near these people, as they can pick all data like a sponge. They are very telepathic, especially if you are thinking about someone else while you are making love to them!

   A great position for this placement would be working in a laboratory or any field related to science which comes easily for them. They are a little nutty, but very good at it.

Venus in Capricorn:

  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:

   When this person appears at your door with a new dishwasher, expect them to be interested in you romantically. The problem is, they won't be interested in anything else, and you'll only confuse them if you ask them to explain how that new gift works.

   Romancing a Capricorn is like trying to push a pea through the eye of a needle. Even if you succeed you wind up with a hell of a mess.

   Capricorns engaged in romance are easy to spot. Picture a beached whale listening to lectures by the masters, like Hitler or Napoleon.

   Public displays of affection or emotion will turn these natives into wrecks, as they have no response to that kind of stimuli at all. They are the "all purpose" driving vehicle of romance, safe to drive and economical, but uncomfortable as hell.

Mars in Sagittarius:

  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.

   Mars in Sagittarius people need to learn to recognize that others have rights as well as them. Sometimes these natives limit their vocabulary with others to the middle finger of either hand, as gesturing gets the same effect.

   Don't rush partners in intimate moments Mars in Sagittarius natives, this is not the last adventure of the jolly rancher, or Eskimo pie, this is a living breathing human being. These people should find a lover who can fill in the missing pieces of their ever popular fantasies, like putting in the last piece of a crossword puzzle.

   Mars in Sagittarius people have the ability to make love during a total eclipse. While everyone else is looking up, they take advantage of it. After all, who will notice? For Sagittarians, love making gives a new meaning to "its Miller time". The adventurous Sagittarius may choose to jump from a hot air balloon and land on the object of their desire, make contact and move on, without too much effort. If you want to keep this person continually interested after marriage, change your residence but don't tell them where you are. At least that will keep them busy for a few days trying to find you. Tell these people you've inherited money and you'll be gone for a short holiday, that will put a rise in their attention span.

   "Don't fence me in" is the battle cry of this unreliable person, so set up your own kind of corral, if you get my drift and if you want to keep this persons attention temporarily.