The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:
March 8, 1922
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This astrological analysis is based
on the following astrological data:
Sun 17 Pis 05
Moon 7 Can 35
Mercury 20 Aqu 01
Venus 23 Pis 43
Mars 8 Sag 34
Standard time observed
GMT: 10:30:00 Time Zone: 6 hours West
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For Professional Charts and Reports
Sun in Pisces:
Pisces - Key Words: Perfecting the Art of Masochism &
Compassion. Kind of a "Do your worst to me, I
can take it attitude" while signing their
will over to you.
A typical Pisces patient having an internal at the Doctor's office. "I said more pain! I deserve it and I want it now!". Pisces uses the Phrase "I Love you" like people inquiring if you put on clean underwear in case you were in an accident. It has no meaning, it just seems like the natural thing to say.
Don't be alarmed if a Pisces puts you under verbal attack, it is just their way of asking you to excuse them, because they either have something better to do, or someone to do it with. Then again, they may just want to be alone, and a front line verbal attack assures that the insult will justify you leaving.
Pisces is the most giving person in the Zodiac, and to prove it, they will give to you, and you and you!
Lovemaking is the ultimate space vehicle for Pisces, as they can get lost in it for hours.
Of all the signs in the Zodiac, Pisces are the ones who have the broadest beliefs of all. Astrology, Tarot, Telepathy, Witchcraft, extraterrestrials, tea leaves, pendulum dowsing, pyramids, astral travel, out of body experiences, Nostradamus, & Bermuda Triangle just to name a few. Communication with trees, fruit, dolphins, and grass are just a few of the Pisces fan club.
When people tell a Pisces native to get lost, they can do so very easily as they slip into their own fantasy world, they don't even have to physically move or go somewhere else,. . . they're gone! Moods come over them like the changing of the tides. A great many Pisces have experienced a difficult birth, mainly because they took a peek out of the womb and didn't like what they saw. I can't actually blame them!
Pisces people have perfected the art of lying to such a degree that by simply opening their mouths, miles and miles of cosmic ca-ca emerges with the clarity of pure water. That is the only thing pure about it however. Pisceans have the exceptional ability NOT to be able to handle money at all, and in the workplace they are the drifters, who may be working today, or hanging out on skid row tomorrow. They have also perfected the art of making the same mistakes over and over again. Pisceans just like to suffer.
Like the Aquarian counterpart, Pisceans have the capacity to drink entirely too much.
The Pisces memory for the most part is slow. Like the Gemini native, a Pisces can go out on a date in their car and return home on a boat, having no idea that they didn't leave on a boat to begin with.
Moon in Cancer:
The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.
Moon in Cancer people are extremely sensitive to their surroundings, and they can cry at the drop of a hat, but they will even cry if you pick up a hat. Their constant need to mother others can make you barf after awhile. Moon in Cancer natives can be very psychic but on a bad day when the wiring gets wet, all they get is static, probably Lawrence Welk or David Bowie doing "ground control to major Tom . . . ."
Moon in Cancer natives experience tremendous highs and lows in moods and expressing themselves, probably all at the same time. In love making they can express these disturbances through beating up their lovers, and then taking care of them, nursing them back to health. This should serve to balance their warped emotional swings. For these Moon in Cancer people, old relationships never die, they just keep adding new people to the list or their own personal phone book.
There are two truly distinct operating modes for the Moon in Cancer person. Either they make absolutely no damn sense OR they are totally overwhelming when laying ideals, or emotions on you. There is nothing in between to base reality on, but you are free to give it a try.
All signs have the ability to abuse things, and in the Moon in Cancer's case it is any form of dairy product, primarily CHEESE! They absolutely love anything that will carbohydrate themselves into a false sense of security. "If you don't love me, I know a hunk of cheese that will appreciate me!", says the insecure and oversensitive Moon in Cancer! When they are emotionally unhappy, this is the first line of defense for improving self worth and confidence. Be careful what goes into your tummy when you are unhappy Cancer natives, as food can provide pleasure or extreme discomfort when feeling low.
When you marry or court this Moon in Cancer native, expect to have the phone line embedded somewhere in their body which is directly attached to a receiver on their mothers person somewhere.
If you want to have a great time with a Moon in Cancer native, just think something hurtful about them without actually verbally doing so, and they are good for a sulk until the cows come home. They can sense you've said something, but can't prove it. Sit back and watch the Paranoia set in, and expect lots of brooding, because that is their second most positive attribute. Hey, you have to give Moon in Cancer natives a little slack however, because they are tuned in psychically to all the space garbage that is in the air every moment of the day. After awhile, you'd be a bit buggy too!
Mercury in Aquarius:
Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.
These people are very good judges of character, but can act like a bull in a china shop," Too Stubborn!"
They would make good writers or excellent speakers with the possibility of some original thoughts and perceptions, but they must work at it and develop it.
The idea of lovemaking turns them into jelly, as they coagulate at the actual act, so they keep it in the hemisphere, where they can watch their own movie, while the real thing is happening somewhere else.
You cannot surprise these natives, there must be some kind of emotions to be surprised. If you try, the reaction would probably be passing wind, a smile, and a "that was interesting, . . so what's next?"
Be extra careful what you think about when you are near these people, as they can pick all data like a sponge. They are very telepathic, especially if you are thinking about someone else while you are making love to them!
A great position for this placement would be working in a laboratory or any field related to science which comes easily for them. They are a little nutty, but very good at it.
Venus in Pisces:
Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:
This person is willing to tie themselves to a roulette wheel while you are throwing knives at it to feel wanted and appreciated. At the same time they are holding a sign that says "Anything for love". An added touch to get the attention of these wonderful people would be to compose a song while the wheel is turning and knives are flying through the air, or writing a very special poem just for them, to show the heights and depths of love.
They are extremely sensitive and romantic and you may find them hiding in deep dark corners of the house when upset, such as basements or in the attic.
Compassion, deep love and sympathy on the very verge of being spiritual defines Venus in Pisces. This is a very nice quality in the times that we live in. They also have a wonderful rapport with all of natures beautiful and ugly creatures.
Always remember, when romancing this sign, to show clear demonstration of love and affection. Otherwise the loneliness and disappointment that results would float a boat in the midst of the ocean.
Be careful how far you go with this native as you may wake up one morning with them singing original love songs, reciting original poetry by the ton, or being captured El Buffo on canvas.
You have to pry love out of this Venus in Pisces, as they are so afraid of rejection they are as cautious as a new chastity belt, and as hard to get open.
Mars in Sagittarius:
Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.
Mars in Sagittarius people need to learn to recognize that others have rights as well as them. Sometimes these natives limit their vocabulary with others to the middle finger of either hand, as gesturing gets the same effect.
Don't rush partners in intimate moments Mars in Sagittarius natives, this is not the last adventure of the jolly rancher, or Eskimo pie, this is a living breathing human being. These people should find a lover who can fill in the missing pieces of their ever popular fantasies, like putting in the last piece of a crossword puzzle.
Mars in Sagittarius people have the ability to make love during a total eclipse. While everyone else is looking up, they take advantage of it. After all, who will notice? For Sagittarians, love making gives a new meaning to "its Miller time". The adventurous Sagittarius may choose to jump from a hot air balloon and land on the object of their desire, make contact and move on, without too much effort. If you want to keep this person continually interested after marriage, change your residence but don't tell them where you are. At least that will keep them busy for a few days trying to find you. Tell these people you've inherited money and you'll be gone for a short holiday, that will put a rise in their attention span.
"Don't fence me in" is the battle cry of this unreliable person, so set up your own kind of corral, if you get my drift and if you want to keep this persons attention temporarily.