The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:
George W Bush
July 6, 1946
New Haven, Connecticut
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This astrological analysis is based
on the following astrological data:
Sun 13 Can 47
Moon 16 Lib 42
Mercury 9 Leo 50
Venus 21 Leo 30
Mars 9 Vir 18
Daylight Savings Time observed
GMT: 11:26:00 Time Zone: 5 hours West
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For detailed astrological charts and reports
Sun in Cancer:
Cancer - Key words: The Heights of Heaven and the Depths of Hell, usually both at the same time.
"How dare you tell me I'm paranoid, and just so you know it, I know the bathrooms are bugged at work", says the confident Cancer. Mr. or Ms. Cancerian, do the world a favor and stop telling people you love them all of the time! God, that is annoying, once a week is more than enough! Go in the kitchen and bake if you are feeling distressed, it's the same energy, different demonstration of affection, get it?
Wanna have some fun with a Cancerian native? All you have to do is criticize them. Then stand back and watch them become unglued at the seams. Watch them head for the refrigerator or Burger King. It's Carbohydrate time! Remember to buy extra cheese or keep it on hand for such occasions. Cancerians can go through cheese by the pound, and it doesn't matter what kind!
Cancerians are the masters of misdirection and inadmissible evidence, as they have it down to a science. Everyone knows (at some point) that they have them nailed for doing something sinister now and then, they just can't prove it, or put their finger on how they got away with it, no matter what the circumstances.
Cancerians most positive attributes are: Spying and blackmailing and at the drop of a hat, they will worry about anything and everything.
Before marrying a Cancerian, check the umbilical cord to see how close to mommy they are, there may still be a direct connection no matter what the age.
Cancerians are the ones whose desks are always neat and tidy! When it comes to money however, their hands can resemble lobster claws as they reach out for what is theirs.
The Cancerian's greatest attribute to an employer is the ability to fire people. They just love it, especially when people have to be cleared out by high noon or face a showdown. Other positive Cancerian traits is the capacity for jealousy and possessiveness above and beyond the call of duty.
All signs have the ability to abuse things, and in the Cancerians case it is any form of dairy product (CHEESE!). Cancerians absolutely love anything that will carbohydrate themselves into a false sense of security.
Moon in Libra:
The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.
Home ties can be very important to the Moon in Libra native. Just because they don't live with their parents, doesn't mean they don't have a 200 mile phone line attached to their umbilical cord, with an automatic dialer for times of real emotional crisis.
"I would kill for peace and quiet!", says the Moon in Libra native to their family as they assure you how non-violent they are.
The Emotional neutral Zone belongs to the Moon in Libra native, and you will find they especially love to rearrange and beautify things. Moon in Libra natives are those types of people who, when their spouse or partner goes to work, rearrange the furniture, and when their loved ones get home, they damn near kill themselves falling over the couch that used to be the bed.
Moon in Libra people are so sensitive to their surroundings and need for harmony, that a good fight can keep them hovering around the toilet bowl and throwing up, for hours.
You might be able to tell a Moon in Libra person who is emotionally unhappy by the gallons of water they drink to keep their kidneys in good working order, as that is their weak point.
Moon in Libra natives are so emotionally insecure, that if by the second date you are not discussing marriage, you will be replaced by someone who is. As they get older, they usually get a grip on this tendency, by about the 5th or 6th marriage.
Mercury in Leo:
Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.
These people have the ability to write and talk to other people who aren't there, and this is the person who can play act a part with or without a partner. "Oh to be me, for all the world to see!"
Remember in the Wizard of Oz and the Tin Man who wanted a brain? Enough said! They must learn to exercise their mind some, in other words start using it.
These natives are the authors of the unabridged version of:" My mouth is open. I will utter something, and you will admire and adore me". Mercury in Leo people can be best described as "The Phony, trying to push Bologna!"
For Mercury in Leo people, love takes place in the mind, but falls short in the physical, leaving you exhausted and frustrated. In their mind however, they had a great time and feel that their partner should say it was great as well. After all, she/he was there too! Or were they?
A story is just a story, but with a little exaggeration mixed with a little accentuation and a whole lot of imagination, and it is not a story anymore. It becomes an event, an adventure, a metaphor of meadow muffins, and a downright hilarious one at that! I should know for it is I, the author of this satirical interpretation who has spent long hours putting together this mindless piece of artwork. I am a gosh darned one man show, with the applauds, the thank you's, and the endless speeches with no one else around. I think it makes for fun reading though, don't you? Well, what do you know anyway? On with the show!
Venus in Leo:
Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:
This sign has the emotional response of a wall switch and just as exciting. They can be compassionate and demonstrative when they want to be, and calculating sometimes in what they wish to acquire.
The woman of the species must be admired, cherished, and complimented on every
aspect of her being, and then some.
Men of the species usually lay enough compliments on you to make you barf and feel good about it afterwards. Love that satisfies the ego side of the self belongs to Venus in Leo.
People with this placement are demonstrative and will probably try to seduce you while acting out Romeo & Juliet, or some other kinky invention or intention.
Excitement is the key for these people. Have you ever tried making love while hang
gliding or swinging from a chandelier. The more expensive display these people can put on to get you in the mood, the better and it seems the head waiter always knows these people, whether they have been in the restaurant before or not.
Mars in Virgo:
Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.
To them, love making is much too messy, so why do it! Here is the lover who will bitch and moan about the quality of a condom. Details, details, details. Expect a complete internal and external examination before, during and after the actual act, which may be viewed as very messy, time consuming, and unnecessary.
Hot Lips Hoolahan on Dramamine is how to define Mars in Virgo. Lovemaking is like lancing a boil to them, sterile and unfulfilling.
Now here is a personal word of advice. If this person feels that they are doing all the work putting this evening of magic together, expect to hear about it, and hear about it, and hear about it. So, to make things short, make sure to hold up your end of it, which ever end that turns out to be.
These people are the originators of everything must be on time, so don't be late, or early, or anywhere in between. Love making for them is a party of one, usually themselves, because they love to touch themselves, they just can't keep their hands off!
Never, ever, ever give this person alcohol to get them into a romantic mood, all you get is the mouth of a sharp knife, . . . . sharpened!
Yes, people do have to get undressed to have sex. I didn't invent it, it's just one of those things that you have to do. It's a whole concept.