The Naughty Natal Report
Interpretations of the humorous kind for:
Hillary Rodham Clinton
October 26, 1947
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This astrological analysis is based
on the following astrological data:
Sun 2 Sco 48
Moon 29 Pis 12
Mercury 21 Sco 19
Venus 16 Sco 51
Mars 14 Leo 16
Standard time observed
GMT: 02:00:00 Time Zone: 6 hours West
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For Professional Charts and Reports
Sun in Scorpio:
Scorpio - Key words: Great first impressions & The Masters of Deception
Like the eternal child who says "Mine. . ., Mine .. ., Mine . . .," you better believe what belongs to the Scorpio native, is indeed theirs. Be careful when visiting the Scorpio home unannounced, because you may find yourself in the middle of an active mine field because they have decided "I want to be alone!"
Scorpio women are only happy when they get their little faces involved ever so innocently in other people's lives, trying to belong (so they say), taking over completely. Beware key phrases like "What do you think about. . ." or "Would it be possible to. . .". These are loaded opening statements that sound innocent, but are actually carefully thought out ploys at taking over someone's life. In all fairness, they are dedicated, hard working and conscientious, and because of this, they will eventually own the world, or their fair share of it. Give up and give in gracefully, or don't let them into your life at all.
The mothering instincts of the Scorpio woman are so strong, that even if they have raised Son of Sam (A fun kind of guy who liked to murder people), they will defend them to the hilt, while physically or verbally thrashing you in the process.
Scorpios searching for the power that rules can be compared to firing a gun inside a tank. No matter where you hide, chances are you are going to get hit by a flying bullet. Now to further clarify, the Scorpio fired the gun, and is the only one in the tank. They have the same chance of obtaining the power they so desperately seek, no matter what means they employ.
Typical Scorpio men can be so secretive, that most of the time they don't even tell themselves what is going on!
Check a Scorpios hand when they "give" something to you. Chances are, there is a string directly attached to the item in question, and when you are not looking, they simply reel it back in.
Scorpios have the same self control of Charles Manson and while you are out on a date, expect to get into a dispute that can end up in legal proceedings. A typical Scorpio would look at the whole incident as a barely passable date, except the performance level was a bit under par.
The word scruples and Scorpio are not found in the same dictionary, corner of the globe, or same hemisphere. Scorpio natives will do absolutely anything to get what they want. Scorpio's have the finesse of a hit man (and some of them are), and they have the same ability to forgive as well.
The female of the species make excellent lovers, and burn at a very high passionate intensity. Before attempting to engage this hot-blooded creature, make sure you are wearing your fireproof underwear. You might want to re-evaluate your own understanding of love making, as Scorpio women can hand you the reins, and expect to be whipped by them just to get them mildly interested.
Scorpios make great hit and run journalists, hit and run drivers, blackmailers, terrorists and madmen. These of course are the good qualities.
Moon in Pisces:
The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.
The native with the Moon in Pisces has a lot of facets to their personality. They can be a musician and artist or total drug puppy and alcoholic who, in their own delusion is making things right in their little sector of the world, and who is to say that they aren't?
The Moon in Pisces emotions bring them great suffering, but hey, what else is life for. The Felix Unger (Of The Odd Couple Series) of the Zodiac has to have Moon in Pisces or other strong traits of Pisces.
Moon in Pisces people are the reason the term "Mood swings" was invented. The term stable for them should be applied to a ship that is leaning to an angle greater than 45 degrees. Chances are that it "IS" going to sink. This can easily happen, if they don't lighten up.
It is very easy to spot people with Moon in Pisces, just look around, if they are no where to be found, then it is Moon in Pisces, or a sign similar to water, like Scorpio or Cancer.
Mercury in Scorpio:
Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is what they are apt to think and talk about.
Here is the original two edged sword looking for the chopping block. These people are so secretive, that they don't even talk to themselves, but Scorpio natives are perceptive of others and know just when other people are vulnerable so they can swoop down and pounce on them.
Here is another one of those signs that is overcritical of everyone but themselves, the self appointed judge and jury. They should have be policemen, spies, or detectives, peering into everyone's secret lives like a common criminal.
Love that is mysterious, behind the scenes and down and dirty, that's Mercury in Scorpio. Sounds like love making with 007, with the same air of danger connected with it. Come to think love making while being attacked would be perfect for them. They can probably be found in dark alleys picking up stray cats doing unspeakable things just for the intrigue.
These must have been the original streakers, who ran nude across the campus. Anything bizarre or perverse is fine for them. They should avoid using the concept of running through the streets nude as a tool for sex, because it won't work. Okay, it might!
This kind of person is the movie director who invites you up to his office to audition for him. "Sit on my couch my dear, let's see what develops".
Venus in Scorpio:
Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:
Venus in Scorpios idea of foreplay is ripping up the flowers, throwing the food at you, strangling the Cherubs, and thrusting themselves on you.
This sign has all of the romantic sensitivity of a line foreman on the 68th floor of a skyscraper, and all of the compassion of a dentist with hydraulic tools who is just going to do a cleaning, scraping, polishing, filling and extraction, all within one visit. They have the sensitivity of a linebacker with jock itch. Sorry folks, it just leaped out of my brain and onto this paper. I won't say forgive me (I'd be killed for being mortal) instead I'll just say "SUFFER!"
Expect to be romancing an animal in heat when being intimate with Venus in Scorpio. To say this person is selfish in lovemaking is to also say that Hitler was an overmotivated and overachieving alter boy.
This person can make passionate and sometimes painful love to you, and then punish you for not being able to take it. Anyone for whips and chains?
In lovemaking there is all the sensitivity and compassion of a tornado going through a trailer park. It can split you apart at the seams and scatter you for miles. You had better find a concrete basement to hide in until she blows over. Sorry, poor choice of words.
Mars in Leo:
Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with their surroundings.
If you want to bore this Mars in Leo person to death, insist on foreplay. "What do you mean you won't make love to me? I took you to dinner and a show! What else do you want, a carriage ride through Central Park?"
Once in the boudoir, they pounce on their prey like the Lions that they are, and with the finesse of Dracula, go right for the neck. Boy! are they off by a country mile. They can really make a mockery of love making and destroy the bed in the process.
Heart trouble can plague these people, so make sure that you have the commanding position while making love or you may get crushed in the heat of the moment.